If your goal is a romantic Valentine’s dinner, then that candlelit setting might not be the right moment to start a conversation about the relative merits of joint and separate bank accounts.

All the same, it’s a talk couples should have. At some point.

The internet percolates with articles advising romantic partners on how they should bank their money. Some writers favor separate accounts: Your money is your money! Others encourage commingled funds: We’re in this love together!

We surveyed several finance experts. Predictably, most of our sources played it down the middle. Couples might be best served by a mix of separate and joint accounts, they said. Each serves its purpose: joint accounts for joint expenses, separate accounts for separate ones.

Joint or separate accounts? Most couples choose one or the other

“Having both types of accounts really lets you have the best of both worlds,” said James Royal, a principal writer on investing at Bankrate.

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Yet, surprisingly, many couples use only one type of bank account. In a new survey by MarketWatch Guides, 41% of married couples said they use only joint accounts, while 20% said they use only separate accounts. The remaining 39% – not even half of the 2,000 people surveyed – reported keeping separate and joint accounts.

Which type of banking is better, if you must choose one?

First, here are three good reasons to have separate bank accounts.

Financial independence

Almost by definition, separate accounts give each partner a measure of fiscal freedom that a joint account cannot match.

“You always know how much is in there,” said Lili Vasileff, a certified financial planner in Greenwich, Connecticut. “You always have access to it. Whether you save it, spend it or give it away, it’s yours.”

Partners who keep separate accounts will never have to feel embarrassed about an impulse buy, explain an excessive restaurant tab, or seek approval for a big-ticket item.

“I think it’s important to just be able to do some things for yourself and not have to answer for everything you’re doing,” said Liz Windisch, a certified financial planner in Denver.

Different spending habits

What if you’re a penny pincher, and your partner is a profligate spender? You rejoice in building savings, while they live paycheck to paycheck. You’ve never, ever overdrawn your account. They’re overdrawn right now.

Separate accounts allow each partner to spend as they please, in a judgment-free zone. One partner can count every dollar, while the other spends with abandon.

The penny pincher will never face the indignity of a declined debit card. The profligate spender won’t get hassled over recurring fees for subscriptions they never bother to cancel.

“Compulsively monitoring your spouse's every transaction on your smartphone can get viciously addictive,” advises TIAA, the financial services company, in a post titled “7 reasons why separate accounts are good for your marriage.”

Vasileff believes each partner in a relationship should have discretionary funds, or “play money,” to spend as they wish.

“Everybody usually feels better with some amount of money to keep in a stash, or to spend in a way they do not have to explain,” she said.

The worst-case scenario

This may not be the best topic for Valentine’s Day, but here it goes: Separate accounts give each partner an escape hatch in case the relationship ends.

Financial planners often suggest both partners should keep a savings account to cover them in case of a split.

Whether “split” means an epic divorce or a simple breakup, separate accounts ensure each partner can cover the costs of finding a new place to live, replacing furniture and, if need be, hiring attorneys and changing locks.

“It’s really hard to consult a divorce attorney if you don’t have any of your own funds,” Windisch said.

But enough about financial independence: Here are two good reasons to have joint bank accounts.

Simplified bill-paying

For a cohabiting couple, monthly bills aren’t easily split. There is usually one rent payment, one electricity bill, one streaming subscription. It makes sense to pay them from a joint account, using pooled funds.

“With a joint account, it’s just simpler to budget and prepare for your shared expenses,” Royal said.

If couples try to split bills down the middle, the result can be a financial relationship that feels transactional, like poker buddies chipping in for pizza.

“I have seen couples Venmo each other, over and over, half of the electric bill, half of the mortgage. That seems kind of labor-intensive to me,” Windisch said.

“But I do want to be clear: If that works for you, then do that.”

Transparency and trust

With a joint bank account, both partners know where the money is coming from and where it is going, for better or worse.

Ideally, a joint account “can demonstrate a commitment to working together towards common financial objectives,” said Michelle Crumm, a certified financial planner in Ann Arbor, Michigan.  

The couple collaborates to make deposits, track spending and pay bills, building a sense of shared purpose.

Some research even suggests couples can build a happier marriage by going “all-in” on joint banking, keeping nothing separate.

Over the longer term, joint accounts can be a great way to work together toward a shared goal, Windisch said: “Your vacation slush fund. Your joint goal of buying an investment property together.”

Both types of bank accounts are good. But which is better?

To sum up: Both types of bank accounts have their use.

But if a couple chooses only one, which should it be?

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When pressed, our sample of experts, admittedly small, revealed a slight preference: Separate accounts.

The reason? Separate accounts foster independence, and independence matters in the tragic event that a relationship should fall apart.

It happens, although not, we hope, on Valentine’s Day.

“I have never ever had anyone say to me, ‘Gosh, I wish we had combined all of our accounts a long time ago,’” Windisch said. “But I have had many clients say to me, ‘I wish I had kept at least one account for myself.’”

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